Healing, Compassion, Buddhism, Spiritual Development, The Quest for Truth & Wisdom, Psychology, Health & Wellness, Creativity, Music, Films, Literature, Art, Critical Thinking, Mental Health Advocacy, Social Justice, Resilience, Reflection, The Beauty of Melancholy, Gothic Sensibilities, Consciousness, Memento Mori, LOVE…
I fell in love with Madonna’s reflection. It resonated with me very deeply. I found Madonna’s observation to be wise and powerful. We are taught since childhood that the love others give us {or don’t give us} defines us. We are enslaved with a hunger for validation. What a challenge it is to emancipate yourself from this invisible slavery. {Social media has only exacerbated this problem}.
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Rejection manifests itself in a myriad of ways. Being told you are not loved is the most obvious. Being shown you are not loved is more insidious. I cannot discern which is more damaging. Whatever the situation is, rejection can haunt you- especially in childhood. Unfortunately, children tend to internalize rejection and take it personally.
Being rejected really tests your capacity to love yourself. Is receiving someone’s love a litmus test of your self-worth? Who gets to decide if you are “good enough?” Does rejection mean there is something inherently wrong with you? Are you going to throw your power away and shrink from rejection? It is so seductive to reject yourself because someone else did. {Did I mention how much it deeply hurts you- your heart, soul, ego, etc?}.
The aforementioned used to be my response as I misinterpreted rejection’s painful meaning. I would reject myself because someone else did. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have met rejection’s gaze many times and am learning from the confrontations. Now I see rejection as a test of self-love/self-worth/self-esteem/self-respect and an opportunity to build resilience.
I have broken away from those old toxic paradigms and I am healing those childhood wounds. Being rejected simply means that I am not that person’s cup of tea. There is nothing more to do than to move on. There is no need to try to convince the person of your value. If they don’t know what you are worth then that is your answer.
George Michael {Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou} had the voice and heart of an angel.
{He often donated anonymously to numerous charities and humanitarian organizations}.
He remains one of my favourite singers/artists.
His song freedom was a push back against his record label Sony {at the time}.
The song freedom can also represent freedom from toxicity, lies, manipulation, deceit, betrayal, selfishness, toxic situations, patterns of behaviour, thoughts, emotions, toxic strangers/family/friends/acquaintances/romantic entanglements.
How do you determine if a person or situation is toxic?
The toxicity lies in how damaging the person or situation is to yourself and your life.
Often their toxicity is like a contagion that infects your life as well.
The question you must ask yourself is:
does a person/situation contribute to your life?
Do they fuel your personal development/spiritual growth or do they inhibit it?
A toxic situation or person robs you of your time energy/vitality, peace, self-esteem, sanity, strength, love, etc.
Time and distance enlighten you about the toxicity of the situation or person.
You can see the toxic web that you were entangled in.
The truth emancipates you.
Now I am free from that highly toxic person and the toxic energy he secretly brought into my life.
I wasn’t conscious of the toxic situation that he forced me into until much later. His toxic energy and behaviour were poisoning me.
At the time, I didn’t know.
I was asleep.
My intuition kept telling me something was wrong so I finally listened and it led me to the truth.
{I am so grateful that I listened to my inner wisdom}.
When the truth came to light, everything changed and I empowered myself.
As soon as I ripped his mask off and saw him for who he was {a narcissist, traitor/serial cheater, pathological liar & energy thief/psychic vampire– amongst other things},
I ran as fast as I could}.
I am focused on detoxing further and healing.
I have to keep the lessons present so that the next time toxicity enters into my life, I detox it with conviction.
[Chorus] “I won’t let you down
I will not give you up Gotta have some faith in the sound It’s the one good thing that I’ve got I won’t let you down So please don’t give me up Because I would really, really love to stick around
[Chorus] All we have to do now Is take these lies and make them true somehow All we have to see Is that I don’t belong to you And you don’t belong to me Freedom I won’t let you down, freedom I will not give you up, freedom Gotta have some faith in the sound You got to give what you take It’s the one good thing that I’ve got, freedom I won’t let you down, freedom So please don’t give me up, freedom Cause I would really, really love to stick around
[Pre-Chorus] I think there’s something you should know I think it’s time I stopped the show There’s something deep inside of me There’s someone I forgot to be Take back your picture in a frame Don’t think that I’ll be back again I just hope you understand Sometimes the clothes do not make the man
[Chorus] All we have to do now Is take these lies and make them true somehow All we have to see Is that I don’t belong to you And you don’t belong to me Freedom I won’t let you down, freedom I will not give you up, freedom Gotta have some faith in the sound You got to give what you take It’s the one good thing that I’ve got, freedom I won’t let you down, freedom So please don’t give me up, freedom Cause I would really, really love to stick around
[Chorus] All we have to do now Is take these lies and make them true somehow All we have to see Is that I don’t belong to you And you don’t belong to me Freedom I won’t let you down, freedom I will not give you up, freedom Gotta have some faith in the sound You got to give what you take It’s the one good thing that I’ve got, freedom I won’t let you down, freedom So please don’t give me up, freedom Cause I would really, really love to stick around
Happy New Year. I can feel that 2020 will transcend 2019.
2019 was a very painful and challenging year for me.It taught me many unforgettable lessons e.g. to keep working on self-love/self-esteem/self-worth; the importance of following my intuition and putting up/maintaining boundaries; working with my shadow side; fueling a transformation/spiritual awakening/evolution; to be more discerning about who I trust or befriend, etc.
I have been detoxing from toxicity in all of its forms (e.g. toxic people/situations/behaviours/thoughts/emotions). In the past year, I have distanced myself from a person that has a toxic and dysfunctional family {namely his evilwitch sister, diabolical ex-wife and possibly his son}. They thrived on gossiping, slandering/lying, backstabbing and getting sadistic pleasure from others’ pain, etc.
They smiled in your face while they stabbed you in the back. They poisoned my friend’s mind about me and turned him against me. To be honest, they had extremely bad vibes and stole my energy (i.e. psychic vampires that dabbled in the dark arts) and I am so grateful to be away from them.
When I used to see them at socialevents, theywould drain my energy to the point of almost fallingasleep. It would take days to recover from the energy theft. I feel so much lighter spiritually to not have theirsinister presence in my life. They were so familiar with envy and jealousy that they probably invented the concept of “the evil eye.”
He reallyshould have knownbetter. He reallyshouldhaveknown me and who I am at my core- my essence. He should have not been dissuaded by these jealous, evil and heartlessindividuals.
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This year I will continue to focus on transformation/spiritual awakening/evolution and healing. I will keep working on my shadow side, fitness, education and other projects (which includes this blog).
This post is the first post of this 2020. I am going to release any fears and judgments about my writing/thoughts/emotions. I am just going to let them flow– this is why they are called stream of consciousness reflections. It is a creative expression with minimal editing.
I close this post with So Fresh and So Clean by Outkast. Despite all that has transpired in 2019, I am choosing to start 2020 feeling so fresh and so clean. I feel my Leo fire energy giving me strength.
Don’t you think I’m so sexy? I’m dressed so fresh, so clean So fresh and so clean, clean Ain’t nobody dope as me; I’m dressed so fresh, so clean So fresh and so clean, clean
Don’t you think I’m so sexy? I’m dressed so fresh, so clean So fresh and so clean, clean Ain’t nobody dope as me; I’m dressed so fresh, so clean So fresh and so clean, clean
I love when you stare at me; I’m dressed so fresh, so clean So fresh and so clean, clean
