Tag Archives: Respectful

The Art of Listening In HBO’s In Treatment…

12 May

Listening is truly a lost art.

In Treatment Dr Paul Weston's Hand Gestures

How often do you encounter people in life that you can tell are obviously not listening? It is the most common experience.

Sadly, it has become rare when someone actually listens to you and values what you have to say. 

In Treatment Talk To Me

In Treatment was a half an hour drama on HBO that starred Gabriel Byrne. The show was about the art of listening, psychotherapy, dysfunctions, neuroses, ethics, fears, self-sabotage, mental illness, relationships, conflict, trauma, pain, suffering, healing, resilience, etc.

Compassion and humanity are at the root of psychotherapy and In Treatment respectively. They speak about the deep need to be listened to without judgment. I have a great respect for psychology. It was one of my areas of study and I have intuitively known it is my vocation since childhood.

In treatment was even studied in universities at the time {I am not sure if it still is}. Counselling psychology students discussed in treatment in classes. Its pedagogical purpose was to teach students how to live their potential as psychologist and to help their clients heal.

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In Treatment is like a prism that reflects the spectrum of humanity.

It can be Shakespearean in its dramatic storylines, intimate revelations and profound intellectual discussions.

{Side note: this is Paul’s wave machine in the introduction}.

It is a cerebral show that dives deep into the Alice in wonderland rabbit hole of the psyche. In treatment relies heavily on the art of acting. Gabriel and the rest of the cast really shine in this thirty-minute drama. The skilled actors play off the script, each other, emotions and body language. They have no special effects to rely on- just their acting skills. {Side note: Gabriel won a golden globe for his performance. Many other actors and the show itself were nominated for numerous awards}.

Gabriel’s character is the compassionate Dr.Paul Weston.

He is the wounded healer, secret keeper, listener, teacher and psychologist.

In Treatment He's Listening

Psychotherapy is based on trust and vulnerability- spiritual and emotional nakedness. There is a strong emotional connection between Paul and all of his patients. First, he has to earn their trust and convince them to trust him and open up.

He must analyze their issues beneath the masks they wear.

He has to discern the truth from lies, distortions and projections.

All of his patients have complex problems and dysfunctional patterns of behaviour.

Some are based on the complexities of being in a relationship and sharing a life with someone despite conflicting personalities or desires. With Jake and Amy, Paul is a mediator between them. He uses conflict resolution, helps them clarify their real issues/emotions and helps them decide on their course of action.

Others are more individual problems with roots in childhood.

Regardless of how the trauma manifests itself, what is evident is that Paul is responsible for his patients.

In some cases, he is the only person that his patients have to rely on. 

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In treatment examines many themes. One is the issue of transference.

Transference can happen in the therapeutic process. The psychologist has to maintain their boundaries and respect their professional code of ethics.

How do you treat a patient that thinks they are in love with you?

What if they insist on their declarations of love?

What if they play mind games and employ manipulation?

How do navigate that?

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Intergenerational trauma is another topic that is examined in the show.

Alex is not even aware of the impact of how his father murdered his grandfather traumatized him. He is also not conscious of how his childhood and his father’s toxic masculinity traumatized him.

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How do you deal with the emotional impact of listening to people’s problems all day?

Many psychologists go to their own psychologist for therapy and to consult about their patients. Paul goes to Gina for this purpose. Their relationship is quite strained but he desperately needs that outlet.

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Some quotes from this video stood out to me in particular…

“It is hard to see so many people in pain and not be able to do anything to help them in some way.” -Paul

“Maybe helping is easier than feeling the pain.” -Laura

I can attest to this feeling of helplessness. It is very painful for me to see or know that someone is in pain without being able to do anything to ease their suffering.

Laura’s observation has some merit. Sometimes it is easier to help than feel. Sometimes it just hurts too much.

“We are not Gods, we can’t save anybody.” -Gina

Gina’s statement is true.

We cannot save anybody.

We can only help them to save themselves.

“It is possible to live in a world where people panic, where people let each other down, where they disappoint each other but still help each other out.” -Paul

I think this is the most realistic observation.

It is still possible to help each other despite our flaws and limitations.

Paul asks Alex where he wants his therapy to lead him. He answers painfully, “some place where I feel less shitty about myself.”

There is something in Blair Underwood’s voice when he says “some place where I feel less shitty about myself.” We can all relate to this sentiment.

“I thought that is what we are on the earth for- to help each other- to step up to the plate when somebody needs us.” -Paul

I have to agree with Paul.

I think it is noble to derive your life’s purpose from altruism and compassion.

Finding meaning in helping others is something I can deeply relate to.

“There are other places where you can feel safe and here in this room is one of those places.” -Paul

The therapist’s office is like a sanctuary from the chaos of the world.

Paul really wants to help his patients find their own answers to enlighten themselves, empower themselves and solve their problems.

With Sophie, Paul wanted her to have her own epiphanies.

In this scene, Sophie has empowered herself enough to confront her father on his abandonment and absence as a father.

Paul’s role is not to be the judge but to guide them to reconnect and re-establish their relationship. The journey is painful but worthwhile.

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Paul’s observations/analysis is incisive.

He really gets to the root of his patient’s suffering.

{It reminds me of Robin Williams’ character the psychologist Sean McGuire in Goodwill Hunting}.

His patients always challenge him and often test his boundaries.

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It should be noted that Paul has his own problems to contend with.

I think it is vital to observe that psychologists are human and imperfect. They have to deal with their own life and its challenges while trying to help others heal and figure out their life’s labyrinth.

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Happy birthday to Gabriel Byrne today!!!

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Further Research

Gabriel Byrnehttps://www.byrneholics.com/

Gabriel Byrne’s Internet Movie Database Page

In TreatmentIn Treatment’s Internet Movie Database Page

In Treatment’s HBO Page

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Have you watched In Treatment?

What did you think?

You can watch it on HBO’s website {for a price}.

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Rest in peace to Irrfan Khan who recently died {April 29th, 2020}.

He brilliantly played Sunil in the third season.

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Peace & Compassion,

-V.

Reflection for today… Love is a Spiritual Light -Charles Bukowski & Common

13 Mar

“I look at her and Light goes all through me.”

-Charles Bukowski

Erykah Badu & Common Looking At Each Other

Lovers/Best Friends are a Spiritual Reflection of each other…

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Love is an expansion of spirit.

It is a soulful ascension and profound healing.

It is a spiritual light that fuels spiritual growth.

I love how Common expresses his deep love, loyalty and respect for Erykah Badu.

He sees her as his queen, best friend and equal.

Erykah is his “reflection in light.” 

This song is essentially his love letter to her.

“At times when I’m lost I try to find you”…

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The song illustrates not only the romantic side of love but also the realistic side.

Love is full of challenges.

Regardless, if love is present then it can give you the strength to face those challenges together.

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Please enjoy The Light by Common…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjHX7jf-znA

 

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The Light

Common

THE LIGHT LYRICS

[Produced by J Dilla]

[Intro]
Yeah, doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-d-doo, diggy-doo, yo

[Hook]
There are times
When you’ll need someone
I will be by your side
There is a light that shines
Special for you and me

[Verse 1]
I never knew a luh, luh-luh, a love like this
Gotta be somethin’ for me to write this
Queen, I ain’t seen you in a minute
Wrote this letter, and finally decide to send it
Signed, sealed, delivered, for us to grow together
Love has no limit, let’s spend it slow forever
I know your heart is weathered by what studs did to you
I ain’t gon’ assault them, ‘cause I probably did it too

Because of you, feelings I handle with care
Some n*ggas recognize the light
But they can’t handle the glare
You know I ain’t the type to walk around with matchin’ shirts
If relationship is effort I will match your work
I want to be the one to make you happiest
And hurt you the most

They say the end is near, it’s important that we close
To the most high
Regardless of what happen, on Him let’s rely

[Hook]
There are times
When you’ll need someone
I will be by your side
There is a light that shines
Special for you and me

[Verse 2]
It’s important we communicate
And tune the fate of this union to the right pitch
I never call you my bitch or even my boo
There’s so much in a name and so much more in you

Few understand the union of woman and man
And sex and a tingle is where they assume that it land
But that’s fly by night, for you in the sky I write
For in these cold Chi night’s moon, you my light
If Heaven had a height, you would be that tall
Ghetto to coffee shop, through you I see that all
Let’s stick to understandin’ and we won’t fall
For better or worse times, I hope to me you call
So I pray every day more than anything
Friends we’ll stay as we begin to lay
This foundation for a family, love ain’t simple
Why can’t it be anything worth havin’ you work at annually?
Granted we known each other for some time
It don’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine

[Hook]
There are times
When you’ll need someone
I will be by your side
There is a light that shines
Special for you and me

[Verse 3]
It’s kind of fresh you listen to more than hip-hop
And I can catch you in the mix from beauty to thrift shop
Plus you shit pop when it’s time to
Thinkin’ you fresh, suggestin’ beats I should rhyme to
At times when I’m lost I try to find you
You know to give me space when it’s time to
My heart’s dictionary defines you, it’s love and happiness
Truthfully it’s hard tryin’ to practice abstinence
The time we committed love, it was real good
Had to be for me to arrive and it still feel good

I know the sex ain’t gon’ keep you
But as my equal, it’s how I must treat you
As my reflection in light I’ma lead you
And whatever’s right I’ma feed you
Digga-da, digga-da, digga-da, digga-digga-da-da
Yo, I tell you the rest when I see you; peace!

[Hook]
There are times
When you’ll need someone
I will be by your side
There is a light that shines
Special for you and me

[Outro]
I’ll take my chances
Before they pass
Pass me by, oh, darling
You need to look at the other side
You’ll agree

Copied & Pasted from: https://genius.com/Common-the-light-lyrics

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For more information…

Charles Bukowski…https://bukowski.net/

Common…https://www.thinkcommon.com/

https://www.instagram.com/common/?hl=en

Erykah Badu…https://www.instagram.com/erykahbadu/?hl=en

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Happy Birthday to Common {March 13th}!!!

{I have enjoyed his music & Erykah Badu’s music for years}.

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May we all find spiritual light & healing love.

Peace & Expansive Love,

-V.

Reflection for today…Respect Yourself -Don Miguel Ruiz & Björk

5 Jan

“Everyone has a price, and life respects that price.

But that price is not measured in dollars or in gold;

It is measured in love.

More, than that, it is measured in self-love.

How much you love yourself–that is your price–

and life respects the price.

When you love yourself, your price is very high,

which means your tolerance for self-abuse is very low.

It’s very low because you respect yourself.”

Don Miguel Ruiz, Wisdom From The Mastery of Love

I Am Nobody's Bitch 001

When I was a child my mother taught me to respect people. What she didn’t tell me is that you need to have boundaries so that people will respect you. Not only do you have to have boundaries but you have to strictly enforce them as well.

I used to be so afraid of confrontations and of speaking up. I would always worry that I might upset, hurt or offend someone. To an extent, I was also afraid of being disliked and rejected. Since I did not like myself, I was so hungry for other people’s approval {even though I did not consciously know it at the time}.

The price of this silence was putting up with some disrespect. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t regret it because I deeply regret it. I also have to acknowledge that without these experiences, then I would not have come to these realizations.

They are lessons that I am still learning and life only keeps offering you more tests.

Being “nice” is an invitation for people to test your boundaries. These days, I would much rather have respect than just be a “nice” person. It seems like a universal law that unless you respect yourself then no one truly will.

Another thing that I learned is that some people do not deserve your respect or your presence in their lives. Please let me clarify what I mean. Everyone deserves basic respect as human beings. The respect that I am speaking about is the respect that people earn through their friendship, loyalty and compassion. Some people just do not deserve that level of respect from you. Some people do not deserve your friendship, loyalty and compassion.

Trust and respect need to be earned for them to hold any gravitas/weight.

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Please enjoy Army of Me by Bjork…

Lyrics

Army of Me

Björk

[Verse 1]
“Stand up
You’ve got to manage
I won’t sympathize
Anymore
[Chorus]
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me

[Verse 2]
You’re alright
There’s nothing wrong
Self-sufficience, please!
And get to work

[Chorus]
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me, army of me

[Verse 3]
You’re on your own now
We won’t save you
Your rescue squad
Is too exhausted

[Chorus]
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me

[Chorus]
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me
And if you complain once more
You’ll meet an army of me, army of me.”

Copied & Pasted from https://genius.com/Bjork-army-of-me-lyrics

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Love & Respect,

-V.