Tag Archives: Intimate

The Art of Listening In HBO’s In Treatment…

12 May

Listening is truly a lost art.

In Treatment Dr Paul Weston's Hand Gestures

How often do you encounter people in life that you can tell are obviously not listening? It is the most common experience.

Sadly, it has become rare when someone actually listens to you and values what you have to say. 

In Treatment Talk To Me

In Treatment was a half an hour drama on HBO that starred Gabriel Byrne. The show was about the art of listening, psychotherapy, dysfunctions, neuroses, ethics, fears, self-sabotage, mental illness, relationships, conflict, trauma, pain, suffering, healing, resilience, etc.

Compassion and humanity are at the root of psychotherapy and In Treatment respectively. They speak about the deep need to be listened to without judgment. I have a great respect for psychology. It was one of my areas of study and I have intuitively known it is my vocation since childhood.

In treatment was even studied in universities at the time {I am not sure if it still is}. Counselling psychology students discussed in treatment in classes. Its pedagogical purpose was to teach students how to live their potential as psychologist and to help their clients heal.

*

In Treatment is like a prism that reflects the spectrum of humanity.

It can be Shakespearean in its dramatic storylines, intimate revelations and profound intellectual discussions.

{Side note: this is Paul’s wave machine in the introduction}.

It is a cerebral show that dives deep into the Alice in wonderland rabbit hole of the psyche. In treatment relies heavily on the art of acting. Gabriel and the rest of the cast really shine in this thirty-minute drama. The skilled actors play off the script, each other, emotions and body language. They have no special effects to rely on- just their acting skills. {Side note: Gabriel won a golden globe for his performance. Many other actors and the show itself were nominated for numerous awards}.

Gabriel’s character is the compassionate Dr.Paul Weston.

He is the wounded healer, secret keeper, listener, teacher and psychologist.

In Treatment He's Listening

Psychotherapy is based on trust and vulnerability- spiritual and emotional nakedness. There is a strong emotional connection between Paul and all of his patients. First, he has to earn their trust and convince them to trust him and open up.

He must analyze their issues beneath the masks they wear.

He has to discern the truth from lies, distortions and projections.

All of his patients have complex problems and dysfunctional patterns of behaviour.

Some are based on the complexities of being in a relationship and sharing a life with someone despite conflicting personalities or desires. With Jake and Amy, Paul is a mediator between them. He uses conflict resolution, helps them clarify their real issues/emotions and helps them decide on their course of action.

Others are more individual problems with roots in childhood.

Regardless of how the trauma manifests itself, what is evident is that Paul is responsible for his patients.

In some cases, he is the only person that his patients have to rely on. 

*

In treatment examines many themes. One is the issue of transference.

Transference can happen in the therapeutic process. The psychologist has to maintain their boundaries and respect their professional code of ethics.

How do you treat a patient that thinks they are in love with you?

What if they insist on their declarations of love?

What if they play mind games and employ manipulation?

How do navigate that?

*

Intergenerational trauma is another topic that is examined in the show.

Alex is not even aware of the impact of how his father murdered his grandfather traumatized him. He is also not conscious of how his childhood and his father’s toxic masculinity traumatized him.

*

How do you deal with the emotional impact of listening to people’s problems all day?

Many psychologists go to their own psychologist for therapy and to consult about their patients. Paul goes to Gina for this purpose. Their relationship is quite strained but he desperately needs that outlet.

*

Some quotes from this video stood out to me in particular…

“It is hard to see so many people in pain and not be able to do anything to help them in some way.” -Paul

“Maybe helping is easier than feeling the pain.” -Laura

I can attest to this feeling of helplessness. It is very painful for me to see or know that someone is in pain without being able to do anything to ease their suffering.

Laura’s observation has some merit. Sometimes it is easier to help than feel. Sometimes it just hurts too much.

“We are not Gods, we can’t save anybody.” -Gina

Gina’s statement is true.

We cannot save anybody.

We can only help them to save themselves.

“It is possible to live in a world where people panic, where people let each other down, where they disappoint each other but still help each other out.” -Paul

I think this is the most realistic observation.

It is still possible to help each other despite our flaws and limitations.

Paul asks Alex where he wants his therapy to lead him. He answers painfully, “some place where I feel less shitty about myself.”

There is something in Blair Underwood’s voice when he says “some place where I feel less shitty about myself.” We can all relate to this sentiment.

“I thought that is what we are on the earth for- to help each other- to step up to the plate when somebody needs us.” -Paul

I have to agree with Paul.

I think it is noble to derive your life’s purpose from altruism and compassion.

Finding meaning in helping others is something I can deeply relate to.

“There are other places where you can feel safe and here in this room is one of those places.” -Paul

The therapist’s office is like a sanctuary from the chaos of the world.

Paul really wants to help his patients find their own answers to enlighten themselves, empower themselves and solve their problems.

With Sophie, Paul wanted her to have her own epiphanies.

In this scene, Sophie has empowered herself enough to confront her father on his abandonment and absence as a father.

Paul’s role is not to be the judge but to guide them to reconnect and re-establish their relationship. The journey is painful but worthwhile.

*

Paul’s observations/analysis is incisive.

He really gets to the root of his patient’s suffering.

{It reminds me of Robin Williams’ character the psychologist Sean McGuire in Goodwill Hunting}.

His patients always challenge him and often test his boundaries.

*

It should be noted that Paul has his own problems to contend with.

I think it is vital to observe that psychologists are human and imperfect. They have to deal with their own life and its challenges while trying to help others heal and figure out their life’s labyrinth.

*

Happy birthday to Gabriel Byrne today!!!

*

Further Research

Gabriel Byrnehttps://www.byrneholics.com/

Gabriel Byrne’s Internet Movie Database Page

In TreatmentIn Treatment’s Internet Movie Database Page

In Treatment’s HBO Page

*

Have you watched In Treatment?

What did you think?

You can watch it on HBO’s website {for a price}.

*

Rest in peace to Irrfan Khan who recently died {April 29th, 2020}.

He brilliantly played Sunil in the third season.

*

Peace & Compassion,

-V.

Reflection for today…Intimate Conversation -Haruki Murakami

29 Jan

“We used to spend hours talking.

We never got tired of talking, never ran out of topics – novels, the world, scenery, language.

Our conversations were more open and intimate than any lovers’.” 
Haruki Murakami,    Sputnik Sweetheart

Hannibal I Let You Know Me

Dr. Hannibal Lecter’s relationship to FBI Profiler Will Graham is one of deep intimacy. It is a complicated relationship of intellectual equals and more. Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy played it beautifully. 

Hannibal It Was IntimateI really cannot recommend watching Hannibal enough. It is by far one of my most favourite television series ever. I really think Bryan Fuller, the gifted actors and his team have created a cinematic masterpiece made for television.

Hannibal is surreal and sophisticated with a dark romanticism. It is cerebral as it delves into the psyches of FBI profiler Will Graham and Dr.Hannibal Lecter. 

It will be a delight for anyone that enjoys psychology, criminology, Bryan Fuller’s creative vision and Thomas Harris‘ books respectively.

Have you seen Hannibal?

What did you think?

Does it haunt you?

It haunts me in the most beautiful way…

*

For More Information…

Haruki Murakami

Haruki Murakami Cat

http://www.harukimurakami.com

Thomas Harris

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/12455.Thomas_Harris

Hannibal Television Series

hannibal___tv_series_poster_fan_made_by_knightryder1623-d5x895a

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2243973/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Mads Mikkelsen

mads-mikkelsen-cast-in-polar

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0586568/?ref_=tt_cl_t2

Hugh Dancy

Hugh Dancy Serious

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0199215/?ref_=tt_cl_t1

*

Hugh Dancy & Mads Mikkelsen Wish You Peace…

-V.

Stream of Consciousness Reflections…Summer Loving…

31 Jul

Aloha.

How is your summer unfolding?

Summer is definitely my favourite season. It is the season I was born in and it is also the season when I feel the most alive. I love to see people enjoying the beautiful weather. I love to soak up the sun and be outside as much as I can. The only tragedy is that summer doesn’t last long {where I live}.

{Note to self: move to a place that has a tropical climate}.

What does summer make you feel like? It makes me feel like this Dee Lite song: Groove is in the Heart. {I haven’t tried out the dance moves in the video yet}.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etviGf1uWlg

  

*

One night I was on a moonlight walk and I witnessed something that was so romantic and lovely. A couple was going to sit on a bench and I noticed that he was carrying a guitar. When they sat down, he started playing for her. I felt like I was intruding on their intimate serenade/moonlight guitar session so I left. In my mind, it would be such a soulful way to spend a summer night.

When you are with someone you love and loves you in return, everything seems magical.

I am working on some posts right now. Specifically, I am getting ready to work on some “health is wealth” posts where I will be discussing health topics and my fitness inspirations. There are so many things I want to work on. Hopefully these posts will manifest in time.

Peace & Love…

yoga peace

Reflection for today…Love Grows in Secret -Pablo Neruda

12 Feb

“I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret,

between the shadow and the soul. ” 

Pablo Neruda

There needs to be intimacy for love to grow…

*

Please enjoy My Secret Friend By IAMX & Imogen Heap…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-jMWzfj9gM

{I am seriously in love with this song.

IAMX/Chris Corner and Imogen Heap are magic}.

*

For more information…

Pablo Neruda…http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/pablo-neruda

IAMX…http://www.iamx.eu/

Imogen Heap…http://www.imogenheap.com/

*

Peace & Namaste…

Break Me Gently…Honesty Breaks Down Walls in High Fidelity

14 Jul

News | How Erykah Badu Broke it Off With Rapper Common! | Singersroom

The reason that I decided to share this is because I wanted to briefly discuss break-ups.

I really respect how Erykah Badu was so honest with Common.

Although it hurt him to tell him the truth about her change of heart, in the end it was better for Common. 

He grew and learned from the experience.

It was his first love and first heart-break. Now he says that he and Erykah are “cool” again.

Why couldn’t everyone be so honest in regards to break-ups?

Imagine if someone told you the truth instead of a cheap, prostituted line…

“It’s not you, it’s me.” 

*Who really believes that anyway? Come on, please. Don’t even…

If people were more honest about why they really want to leave their significant other, then perhaps the other person would learn so much more and have better closure.

Perhaps this communication could break down some walls and infuse some new life in the old friendship and romance.

Who knows, perhaps this new-found honesty might create some new-found intimacy and the break-up might even be avoided.

Perhaps things fall apart to come together…

Perhaps I am dreaming of a utopian vision of reality because I know that most of the time things just fall apart.

{I know that relationships and break-ups especially are more complicated than this post describes}.

Regardless, if a couple has to part ways, it would be ideal if they each respected each other enough to really be honest with each other.

By not telling someone the truth, you are potentially taking away opportunities for growth. 

You are also really damaging their self-esteem, self-worth and confidence because they are left to wonder what is wrong with them.

They can only think that something is inherently wrong with themselves..

How else can they know what they did wrong if you don’t tell them? How else can they improve, learn, grow and change?

Thankfully one can still do some self-reflection in order to find healing, growth and closure on your own. 

You can learn from your mistakes.

*Of course your learning, growth and healing is not the other person’s responsibility.

{That is not at all what I am saying. Your learning, growth and healing is always your responsibility.

It would be so helpful to get that honesty, respect and communication from the person that once claimed to love and care about you}.

If both are ready and willing to battle their egos, then perhaps they can truly listen, share and learn.

At least both can learn what they did wrong from the mutual constructive criticism and feedback.

They will know why the other is jumping ship instead of just being left out in the cold  {or the rain} all alone.

Leaving someone guessing is just too cruel to do to someone’s heart, mind, life and soul- especially to someone who you used to like, love or at least be attracted to. This only further hurts someone that loved and adored you.

Don’t they deserve better from you?

{Leaving crumbs of false hope is an even more heartless thing to do to someone. Giving someone false hope so selfishly makes it painful for them to move on and to heal}. 

No one deserves to over-analyze and be haunted by what they possibly could have done wrong.They deserve better and if you are the dumped person, then so do you.

{Of course there always are exceptions and sadly not every break-up is amicable}.

*

P.s. I highly recommend watching the movie High Fidelity (where most of the pictures from this post are from).

It is an excellent movie and my favourite break-up movie of all time next to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind}. 

Plus I adore John Cusack.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seSLhjX4uA0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxDMzbxPQx8&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rmmq2ozbIFY&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puOQuQI83lw&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2oP8YO7F5A&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dRiD-giCTc&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeL32rVtvic&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmk12K5dFno&feature=relmfu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZ1vNa-fzX0&feature=fvwrel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b9rbDeE9ZE&feature=fvwrel

*

I also recommend a song that I love called “Break Me Gently” by Doves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHtNGaaXSqs

It was part of the inspiration for this post {along with High Fidelity}.

*

The learn more about Doves, please click here:

http://www.doves.net/

Love is Just A Bloodsport- Sneaker Pimps

20 Jun

There is something about listening to Sneaker Pimp’s Bloodsport that does something to me.

Chris Corner‘s angelic and seductive voice is so hypnotic.

The thesis of the song is that love is just a blood sport.”

Almost every one of us has been in a romantic situation where we have felt like we have gotten beat up emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and metaphorically; hence the bloodsport analogy.

{Other times perhaps we may have been the one instigating the fight}.

It seems as though when you become vulnerable, many times you are hurt.

One thing that I say all the time is that people often mistake kindness for weakness.

In this case, people can mistake love for foolishness and weakness.

For this reason, people tend to put up walls, put on masks and have metaphorical knives up their sleeves to protect themselves from getting hurt. These same walls that protect you can eventually become a prison so you become mindful of how thick your walls are and of who you allow in.

It reminds me of one of my favourite Rumi quotes. {I have had this as my email signature for years and it is still there}.

“Your task is not to seek for love,

but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself

that you have built against it.”

-Rumi

*

So one day you let the walls down and let someone in…

It is so beautiful when love is intimate, passionate, gentle and kind.

This is the utopian version of love- a compassionate union of souls; the type of love that Rumi wrote poems about- friendship set on fire- intimacy at its most pure, most spiritual and its best.

Spiritual Reflection Lovers

What Are You But My Spiritual Reflection???

The truth is that as much as all of us want that type of love, we don’t always find it because it is so elusive and rare.

Most are not ready or brave enough for true intimacy- to open one’s soul to another- to be spiritually naked without any armour…to risk really getting hurt while loving.

As a friend always used to say,

“If you risk nothing,

you risk everything.”

The question is…are you willing to risk everything?

Love isn’t a blood sport.

Is it?

What do you think?

*

Bloodsport Lyrics:

I want to be a kid again
Come down having Sunday best
See me staying home bunking school
Knowing wrong from right just rules

I wish I’d never seen your face
Better done wonder phase
I need an echo, not your praise
Straying from the god you nailed

My mother, my mother, my mother never told
My mother, my mother, my mother never told me
Love is just a bloodsport
Love is just a bloodsport

‘Cause love is just a bloodsport
Love is just a bloodsport

Sex and love is not a game
A game is something you can win
Maybe something kind of fun
‘Cause love is just a bloodsport, son

My mother, my mother, my mother never told
My mother, my mother, my mother never told me

Never told me
Never told me

‘Cause love is just a bloodsport
Love is just a bloodsport
‘Cause love is just a bloodsport
Love is just a bloodsport

‘Cause love is just a bloodsport
Love is just a bloodsport
‘Cause love is just a bloodsport
Love is just a bloodsport

“Bloodsport” as written by Steve Strange, Rusty Egan, Billy Currie, Midge Ure, John Mcgeogh, David Tomlinson, Barry Adamson, Liam Coverdale-howe,, Chris Corner, Ian Pickering
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group, EMI Music Publishing

*

For more information…

Chris Corner…http://iamxmusic.com

Somebody That I Used To Know -Gotye featuring Kimbra

16 Feb

We all have somebody that we “used to know.”
That person from a past life that is now a ghost.
{Once so intimate, now so distant}.
Previously best friends and lovers, now old flames and strangers.

I’ve always wondered what kind of mathematics turns friends & lovers into strangers?


Is it time? Distance? Pain? Anger? Disappointment? Betrayal?
Worst of all: indifference?

*

*I Love Gotye‘s Music & Videos!!!
He {Gotye/Wally de Backer} is so creative and talented.

Gotye sings this song with so much passion.

You can see it in his eyes.

Most likely this song comes out of life experience- like some great art does.

To learn more about this Australian musical genius, please click on this link:
 http://www.gotye.com/

**********************************************
Somebody That I Used To Know lyrics

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing

And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done

And I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know…

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing

And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

I used to know
That I used to know

Somebody…
*************

Peace & Namaste…

Reflection for Today…To Love At All Is To Be Vulnerable -C.S. Lewis‏

22 Jan

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung
and possibly be broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact,
you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries;
avoid all entanglements;
lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change.
It will not be broken;
it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy,
is damnation.
 
The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

-C.S. Lewis
The Four Loves

Exotic beauty Sherilyn Fenn looks into your soul…

Can you really be vulnerable in order to love?

Can you really be spiritually naked and intimate with another’s soul?

*

Peace & Namaste…